How Am I Doing

Back in the good ol’ state of Georgia!

Hello again!

You probably think I dropped off the face of the earth… Sorry about that! Before the end of the race, I had grand and lofty ideas of continuing my blog on a regular schedule… but the craziness of everything at the end, combined with traveling afterward without any time to spare, ensured that I lost my blogging routine thoroughly.

You may be wondering how I’m doing, now that I have the hindsight to look back at the end of my World Race Gap Year, now almost two months prior.

Well, I’m glad you asked.

Surprise – transitioning home has been hard! I know, what a shocker!

I struggled with lack of motivation, apathy, loneliness, confusion, and feelings of despair.  

For me, the time during final debrief in Costa Rica was challenging, but things felt kind of surreal. Not only that, but I desperately wanted to cry and process the grief that I knew needed to come, but I simply couldn’t make it happen. For any future racers reading this, just know that your grief truly doesn’t come on a timetable: even if it seems like every other person is crying at your last goodbyes. Please, try not to compare. It doesn’t mean you’re any less sad to say goodbye.

Honestly, at the time, I couldn’t tell if I genuinely was doing okay or if I was somehow masking the hard emotions and they would surface later. Even looking back, I’m not sure which it was.

However, during my Project Search Light (PSL) just a few weeks ago, God really helped me through some grief processing. For those who don’t know, PSL is a time after your race ends, where people come back together for sessions and time together in Gainesville, Georgia, on the Adventures in Missions campus.

Going into it, part of me hoped and expected it to be a fun time to hang out with my squad again. Instead, God used it to help me see clearly how things would never be the same again, and this helped lead me to experiencing sadness and receiving the comfort of Holy Spirit through that. 

And I’m not coming here to say that I’m suddenly perfect, and everything’s all figured out. It’s definitely not. However, I do see a whole lot more hope on the horizon. And that’s a beautiful thing after a night of darkness. 

So, if you’re still reading this, just know that it won’t stay as hard as it is now, forever. There is Hope (and His name is Jesus). It will never be easy, but it will get better. Keep on holding on. I believe in you!

P.S. Stay tuned for an update about what I’m doing next in my life, coming soon! 🙂 Thank you so much for reading.