UNCERTAINTY: Nothing is Promised to Us + AN UPDATE

I feel like I can’t really write or post anything else right now without first addressing the elephant in the room. It’s just this little thing called a global pandemic. What world are we even living in anymore?

Over the past several weeks I’ve run through the whole gambit of emotions. From disbelief to fear and now, finally, hope for the future. It wasn’t an easy road here. For what seemed like an eternity, everything felt all wrong and upside down in my world. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t tears involved. Everything — my whole future, and the future of the world as we know it — seemed like it would be forever changed. The feeling left me with an unbearable amount of grief.

There are plenty of people that have life WAY worse than I do right now. For me, it wasn’t so much the changes in my current life that terrified me. It was the fears of upcoming events this summer and for my whole future. My family and I have a lot of travel plans for this summer. I have the summer camp I always go to, in the beginning of August (shout out to my SEP/Encounter fam). And most importantly, I have the World Race Gap Year at the beginning of September. I can barely bear the thought of not being able to go on my gap year. Not only would that be awful, but it would lead to a multitude of ripple effects on my future. 

I was suspended in a roiling mass of uncertainty. Pulled in so many directions by my worries for the future. It was a terrible way to live.

But finally, I started to gain more peace for the future. I had been praying so much for peace and for me to “cast my anxiety on him,” as 1 Peter 5:7 says. When Adventures in Missions announced the postponement of training camp to right before departure for the field, it was like the last reassurance I needed to push my seedling of hope into a budding flower.

Normally I’m a person to keep my expectations low, in order to avoid as much disappointment as possible. However, right now, hope is what I’m clinging to. Hope that everything will turn out okay.

I can’t just stay in this space of uncertainty, dwelling on the fact that I don’t know anything for certain about my future. I have to choose to go on, to proceed with things as if I do have certainty. Because, truly, confidence and assurance for what the next day holds is NEVER guaranteed, even before this virus rocked the world.  

My worrying and my anxiety will never change the outcome of my circumstances right now. And that’s a tremendous consolation.

So, I’m choosing to take comfort in the fact that God has everything under control. He has my whole life in His hands — the whole world in His hands. I’m choosing to trust that my gap year will go on. That COVID-19 is not forever. Stalking the news is not worth my mental sanity. It’s time to take comfort in the peace of God, the peace that only He gives.

Thank you so much for following along! It’s been too long since I popped up on here. As always, I am immeasurably grateful for your support! I hope you’ll consider supporting me with your prayers, and if you feel led, with your financial support. A huge thank you goes out to all who have donated, as I am only $260 away from my first fundraising deadline of $5000! I am continuously in awe of His provision. I understand that now is a challenging time to ask for money, but to me it’s just another reminder that fundraising is never easy and that it never feels like a good time to give. I’m choosing to have faith through this process.

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Lastly! Adventures in Missions (the organization that operates World Race Gap Year) is committed to doing their best as they work through logistics and timing, and they will update us if there are any additional changes. Here’s a brief summary with all the specifics of the updates to my World Race, as they currently stand:

My launch and parent event will be from September 3-4

My training camp will be from September 5-16

We will depart for the field directly following training camp.

EXCITING NEWS FOR A CHANGE! My route has also been updated to include Costa Rica! That means I will be going to Guatemala, Costa Rica, Ecuador, and Nepal — for a total of four countries! Yay!

Thanks for sticking around this far! You’re the best!